The Morning Formation Podcast
Hosted by KP Phillips—a U.S. Army combat veteran, former law enforcement officer, and seasoned instructor in tactics, firearms, and combatives—The Formation Podcast is built on the core pillars of Survivability, Situational Awareness, and the mindset to Adapt & Overcome.
Drawing from over two decades of real-world experience in combat zones and high-risk environments, KP leads authentic conversations with warriors, protectors, and everyday individuals who’ve faced adversity head-on. This podcast is more than content—it's a movement for those who understand that the fight begins before the event.
Through storytelling, lived experience, and expert insight, The Formation Podcast equips its listeners with the mindset, tools, and awareness to remain vigilant and prepared—whether on the battlefield, in the streets, or in everyday life.
The Morning Formation Podcast
Veteran Turned Social Worker Helps Find Resources and Resilience with Eleni Veneris-Whitehead
We welcome Elaine Venez Whitehead, a veteran, spouse, Guard behavioral health officer, and LCSW, for a clear-eyed look at military families, hidden stress, and the resource map that too often stays invisible. We talk resilience without clichés, practical help for spouses and kids, and what growth looks like after hard truths.
• veteran-to-social-worker journey and mission
• what an LCSW does and why it matters
• Guard behavioral health and readiness roles
• realities behind the curtain for spouses and kids
• the tribe model for support and access to care
• unseen stressors in relationships and reintegration
• abuse, stigma, and how to seek safe help
• school-based supports and USO community resources
• special education insights on behavior and emotion
• education, translation of MOS, and transition gaps
• concrete programs like Zero 800 and Operation Purple
• owning mistakes, building structure, and consistent growth
For everyone else out there, Formation Nation, remember survivability starts with awareness, and sometimes the strongest warriors are the ones holding the home front together
Links for Eleni:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/homegrownecho?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==
Veteran Resources:
https://www.sandiego.gov/public-library/services/outreach/vrc
https://dpss.lacounty.gov/en/community/veterans.html
Check out our website
Please Support & Donate to the Podcast: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/themorningform
USA Made socks with a Purpose. 20% off with code: TMF
https://www.solediersocks.com/tmf
Episode Powered By Act Now Education
Warriors, fall in. It's time for formation. Today we're joined by someone who sits right at the intersection of education, military life, and family advocacy. She's a veteran, married to active duty, currently serving in the National Guard, a former special education teacher, and is now a social worker whose mission is to strengthen military family support systems and bring light to resources that often stay in the shadows. Formation Nation, I want you to please welcome Elaine Venez Whitehead to the show.
SPEAKER_01:Hi, everyone.
SPEAKER_00:Elaine, thank you so much. Um, I know we had some scheduling issues. You're a busy mother, you're in the National Guard, you have a full-time job. Um, I'm in the same boat. I mean, not the National Guard, but um just the hustle and bustle. I know you live here in Southern California now. Um I want you to share your share your origin story. What led you into military service and later into education and now social work?
SPEAKER_01:Oh my gosh, that is such an interesting story because I don't think anybody, well, I don't think many people have a straight path into military and then their next career plan, right? Everything takes a turn, a left life experiences derail us or motivate us. And for myself, I was just graduating high school and getting ready to go to university. And uh there was this guy, you know, dressed in all his whites, and he's like, hey, you could travel the world, you know. Uh, and I said, Well, why not? I joined up and one week later I was in uh, I don't want to age myself, but I went to Orlando for boot camp. And uh yeah, I got to serve in the Navy, and it was absolutely everything they said. I got to travel the world. I got my degrees for free. And um when I was ready, I went into the civilian life and I was teaching. And then I met my uh husband and then had kids, and I realized, you know, I wasn't done. There was more to give. And I went back to school. Again, the military paid for it. I got a master's in social work, and here I am as a social worker, and I went right back in the National Guard. I felt like, you know, everything that I've experienced and learned from my years in military, it was my, I mean, I don't want to sound trite, but I felt like it was my duty to go in and, you know, bring that and that support for other, you know, women and other service members. So that's how I ended up going back in the National Guard as a social worker. Here we are talking to you. This is amazing. Hi.
SPEAKER_00:That's a pretty awesome journey in itself. Um, you you're an LCSW, right?
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:Can you explain what that is?
SPEAKER_01:Sure. A licensed clinical social worker, there are many steps. So first you go to school for your master's in social work, and then you're a brand new graduate in the world, and you get an associate uh license where you get to work under licensed supervisors for 3,000 hours you are trained. And then after that, you take an exam to become clinically licensed. But even then, you're still learning. It's nonstop. You constantly go to continue education courses and you continue to build.
SPEAKER_00:Wow, it sounds like a lot of work.
SPEAKER_01:Many years, many years to get here.
SPEAKER_00:So when you served in the Navy, what was your MOS?
SPEAKER_01:I did a few things. I was admin and I also was a 9545. For people who don't know, that's kind of like military police, law enforcement.
SPEAKER_00:Okay. Yeah, don't they call that a master of arms or something like that?
SPEAKER_01:They do. So there's two different types. Military is very unique in its way, and the Navy is even more unique. So you can get your MOS, which is one job, and then you can cross-train into another and serve in that for a few periods of time. It could be a temporary assignment. So there are those that are master at arms, that's their permanent MOS. And then 9545 is also law enforcement, but you're technically supposed to be there just for a few years, but some of us can stay for quite some time.
SPEAKER_00:Hmm. That's interesting. The Navy is quite different. Um, I remember I did a when I was in the Army, I did a joint exercise with uh the Navy in Pearl Harbor. And whenever I would make a phone call, I would say, This is Captain Phillips. And they they like would freak out, like, oh yes, sir, yes, sir. And I'm like, no, no, Army captain, like an O3. And they're like, oh, okay, what do you want? But it's just funny how the rank system and everything is so different in there. But um, currently with the National Guard, uh, what capacity are you serving?
SPEAKER_01:As a behavioral health officer, I am a social worker for the Army National Guard.
SPEAKER_00:That's really cool. So do you work in a hospital or do you work in a clinical setting? Like, is it one one week in a month gig?
SPEAKER_01:Yes. So it's generally one week in a month, two weeks a year. But here in California, it's very interesting. I work in what they call a medical detachment. And it's unique in that it's the only unit that helps assign uh service members that are coming back or going on deployments. We do readiness uh assessments and things like that. So technically we're non-deployable, but most recently some of us were deployed to provide assistance. So it's very unique. The guard's own animal.
SPEAKER_00:That is very cool. Like I didn't know the guard even had anything like that when I was in the enlisted in the National Guard. Like I didn't I never saw social workers on the weekends. Um, so that's pretty pretty unique job in itself. And before I go on, I want to um commend you for this is your first podcast. This is your first time really publishing yourself out there. And shout out to Gina for uh recommending you to me. I love the fact that you haven't been on a podcast before, you haven't done anything like this before, but you're stepping forward of the line and you're actually putting yourself out there to talk to me today. So much respect to you, Elaine, for doing that. Um, it takes a lot of courage to do this. I've been doing this for four years now, and um, it's it's a learning experience each and every time. And I love talking to people like you who are brand new.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I really appreciate the support. And moreover, I feel like this is just an extension of being a social worker. If I'm constantly telling people that in order to grow, you have to move yourself out of your comfort zone. So I want to say thank you for letting me feel safe in taking my own advice, like growing outside of my comfort zone. This is uh this is really unique and different. And I won't lie if I'm not a little nervous.
SPEAKER_00:Social media is really a force multiplier. I mean, you could see your clients and maybe deal with three, four, or five people, but when you do something like this, you're able to sort of expand your horizons and really shoot out the message to a lot of folks at one time. And I think social media is used in in good ways, bad ways, dangerous ways, and everything in between. So it's refreshing that I'm I'm seeing people like you stepping up and actually putting yourself out there, utilizing your experiences and your and your education, your knowledge to help our community out. Cause I think it's really important.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And same to you. Without your platform, uh just reaching one other service member who can say, Yeah, I get that, and reach out for support and get what they need, or just hear a kindred spirit, what you're doing laying the groundwork, just so I can do this. I want to say thank you for that. Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely, absolute honor on my end. Um so getting back to talking about you, um what is what is serving while being in the military? Um, and what what is serving in the military and being married to an active duty service member taught you about the realities of military families, military spouses, the things that they face that civilians rarely see?
SPEAKER_01:So military families are usually really hidden behind the curtain. So we see a lot of in the media happy families, you know, their spouses, whether they're male or female, supporting their service member as they go off, but they don't see the details behind that, like all the mental labor and the emotional labor and the fact that many of them are without their support systems that they've known because that is the nature of the beast of the military. They move you and things like that. I will give the military a lot of credit. In the last um decade, they've really stepped up in providing family readiness groups, providing more social workers that are access to them on bases. And for example, here in the San Diego area, the DoD has contracted where we have social workers in schools. So they have um family clubs, and it's not focused on just mental health and things like that. It's just engaging to let other kids know that there are other kids just like them and to have access to resources when and if the family members are interested. So that's nice. There's always access to care in that way. And going back to your first question about the arc of being, you know, young and enlisted and just living life and then getting out and getting married to someone in the service, it's it's a 180. It's completely different because when you're in, you're the one that's being addressed and taken care of. When you're the spouse, you have to have your spouse's social for this, your spouse's approval for that. And it's just jarring to your autonomy. You know, you're like, wait a minute, I'm the one asking for this. You don't need his permission, you know. But that's again the nature of the beast. It's designed to support the service member and then the service member's family. So you kind of have to fall in line. And it gives you, when you're in and you're witnessing young families form, you develop these perceptions of, oh, why can't they do this or why can't they do that? And then you realize when you're the spouse, oh, there's these barriers. Who's gonna help with the kids so you can go to school? Who's gonna help watch the kids while you go to work? Um, the hours, you know, because you're uh essentially in many cases single parenting, not because the spouse is absent, they don't want to be there, because they're absent because they're serving their country. So you have to navigate if the kid is sick, you're missing work, you're doing this, you're doing that after school. So um when I was in, I got to see the flip side where spouses really supported each other. You find that, you find your tribe everywhere you go. So in this case, Gina was one of my tribe members. Um we would help watch each other's kids, you know, if I was running late. She's phenomenal. Um, she's fitness oriented. So, like I didn't have time to go to the gym. Guess what? I just ran over to her house, used her gym, didn't even have to say hi, what's up, just used it and left. It was amazing. It was such a gift. So um, in that way, it just gives you a different perspective. And then going back into a service capacity as a social worker helping other military families, it like brings it full circle. You get to see it from all different angles, from the enlisted person to the married person to their kids. And it's it's been um for me a huge mindset growth. You know, you get to see in most cases, you only see things 2D from your perspective, your job. And in my case, and it's very selfish to say this and spoiling, but I got to see it from essentially 4D, like all the way around. And I think it's really helped humble me, help me grow, and just really motivate me even more to tell people, hey, there's these resources out there. You know, how can I support you to support yourself and then you can help others? You know, that's that's essentially it.
SPEAKER_00:I think it's great to be a resource hub for sure, and to pass on that information to others. I I really don't vibe with people that have information, but they're not willing to share with others. They try to keep it to themselves. So it's always nice to talk to folks like yourself who are willing to kind of absorb those resources, but then also kick them out to people that that need them. Because a lot of times, just like the military, I was just talking to someone the other day about how they joined the military and how they got commissioned and everything. And he said, Yeah, I got commissioned through this program, SMP program, by having a casual conversation with an NCO, and it just came up. And it's like, that's how you find out about some of the best uh programs, the best resources, the best ways to get to where you want to go in your journey. Um the uh what you were talking about earlier about how the military family a lot of times is behind the curtain. Um, I remember about three years ago, somebody was doing a um, it was um a documentary on military brats, military dependence, growing up as a child that whose parents are active duty. And they wanted, and it was a positive spin, it was a positive thing about being a military brat. And I remember they they kept asking me to be a part of it, and I was like, no, like I don't want to be a part of it. And and the reason was was because I didn't have a good experience like as a military brat growing up in the military. My my parents were domestically not good. Um we were moving around every four years. So, like you said, I mean, but from everyone else's perspectives, they thought things were great, things were good, and they really weren't. And you can hide those those skeletons and those demons a lot easier when you're moving every four years and nobody can really keep up with you. Um, so it's it's interesting that that you had mentioned that. And uh another thing you mentioned too is the resources. When I was in the military, I feel like before the the prime internet age, um, it was really hard to connect with people.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:But now you're able to connect so much, so much more. I mean, would I mean you and I connected through social media in a sense, right?
SPEAKER_01:Exactly. We would have we don't run in the same circles, we don't, but like it's like the ripples, you know. I feel like uh I don't remember who it was that told me that it's like no matter where you go, if you run into a fellow service member, the likelihood is they've got your back. They don't know who you are. You may not even have ever known them, may not even like them in the real world, but in those settings, no matter what, they'll have your back. And uh it's amazing. And for me, that's a gift. I could go anywhere and if I need and raise the flag that someone I know will know someone where I'm at and they will help. That's the key.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:That's the key. We're truly, we're truly the real minorities when it comes to um talking about groups. I mean, you know, they always say like less than six percent of the US population ever serve in the military, and even less than that are you know, combat-related veterans. So it's it were a really small group. Um, and I think sometimes we don't really realize how how unique we really are as a population.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I want to kind of add on that of the six percent, then one percent, a majority of that are either firstborn uh American citizens or they are absolutely children and uh here by immigrant parents as well. So I just say that I find the most patriotic people are the ones that have learned that this country is unique in the way that it supports its supported, its immigrant um community because without them there'd be no growth. So I really want to highlight that my parents are proud to have come here and I'm very fortunate to have been born here, and I was raised with the fact that here they were able to accomplish so much more than they would have ever accomplished back home. And that instilled with me such great pride. Like I believe in the American dream, and I and I truly believe that this country is open to those who want to be better because we are all different, and the difference is what makes us so gives us strength.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Well, I mean, we're the most migrated country in the world. I mean, everyone wants to come to the US, and it's because of it's a l, it is truly the land of opportunity. Yes. But a lot of times people that already that are already born here and already live here really take it for granted. And uh there are so many other countries where wherever you're born, whoever you're born into, family-wise, that there you are. You'll never this is your ceiling, and you'll never exceed that ceiling.
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:And my dad growing up was always like, you gotta do what you gotta do to get where you want to go. And that was my mentality um growing up was I I'm gonna have to eat shit while I'm young so that I can enjoy myself while I'm older, and that's just how it's gonna be. Yeah. Um You know, you you made so many sacrifices. You're you're currently serving in the National Guard, um despite everything else that you've done and you're working full-time as a social worker. How do you balance the identity with being a spouse, a mom, uh, and a professional?
SPEAKER_01:So I uh the I gosh. Whew, sorry, I get tongue-tied on this one because I'm gonna say something that's really unpopular. I don't believe in work-life balance. Like it's not real. It comes and it goes. Sometimes you're like, I got this, the kids are all in order, everything's one, two, three, and then everything goes left of center. And you have to realize that you cannot carry everything 100%, 100% of the time. So I'm very fortunate that the guard is weekends, or sometimes when they request like duty personnel to come on board to support missions that are going on. That is um an opportunity. And when I'm able to, we'll engage in that. And again, it comes down to your tribe. Who's with you, who's supporting you, what resources are there after school activities and stuff like that. Um, I think that's the biggest thing to remember is that no one succeeds on their own ever. Right. And if you ever meet someone and they're like, I got here because I did all the work, they're really missing out on the people who supported them along the way. And that's a big sign for me. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So so many people have gone to bat for me over the years, and I'm so blessed and thankful for that, for people supporting me and being in my corner. But you will have your small space of haters, right? As we all do. Uh, I experienced that this week as well when I posted a reel and it talked about how sometimes your trauma and your issues are deeper than your military service, but they actually go back to your childhood. And I don't know, I know you're not on Instagram or anything like that, but somebody commented and said that uh ended up saying that I was predatory and that I'm taking advantage of veterans and all these different things. And I'm like, I don't even sell a service, but um Yeah. It's uh it's it's one of those things when you where you put yourself out there, you're gonna have your support and then you're gonna have your haters at the same time. But um It's true. Um what do you think are the most common unseen stressors uh military families deal with that people don't? Talk about enough.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, relationships for real. You know, when you're so busy being the service member, your hyper focus is your safety, your everything that you need to do for that mission. Even if it doesn't matter your job in the military, you're hyper focused in that, um, in getting that done. You've got all these responsibilities over here. And then you have a spouse and you have kids and they have needs and they have wants, and you're trying to carry that, it's very difficult. So I think the biggest thing is relationships, learning how to downshift from your job into your essentially real life. And there is this disconnect. And sometimes military spouses expect the other person, oh, that's your job now. You carry that, you have the kids, you do this. My job is the military. I'm busy. So it's kind of like changing that mindset, being like, no, it takes two to create something and it takes two to continue to build that. You can't have one person um trying to build something and the other person digging underneath you. So it's really important to be mindful of that. I think the biggest thing is um changing as your family changes. Maybe I could say that better. How can I say that better? Um, so just like who you are um five years ago isn't who you are today. Right. Same things with relationships. You know, you begin one way, and as they build and as they change and they become more dynamic, it's important that we as individuals build, grow, and change with that dynamic. If we stay stagnant, then relationships don't get that support. They don't get watered, and then they get neglected. And that can be very difficult. So I think that's the greatest challenge for military members is um having access to relationship growth.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:That makes it's funny you said that because I wrote stagnant down as before you said it. Um that's real interesting because I was talking to somebody this week about that. That sometimes it could be friends, family, significant other. Um, doesn't matter, but at some point in time in your path, you may decide that you want growth and you don't want to stay stagnant anymore. Yeah. And even friends, friends are the same way too. Friends come and go. Some stay around forever, some don't. Family, same thing. I mean, you may have some family members that are happy in their spot and they're stagnant, and then they see you trying to grow, and they're like, what the hell are you doing over here?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Like, that's weird to me, and I want nothing to do with that, and I don't support you. And so I've experienced that over the years. Like, even doing this podcast, you know, it's it's amazing.
SPEAKER_01:Well, it's evident in that person that left that comment to you. I mean, what's their motivation to say that someone supporting somebody else would be predatory? That tells me that's just a reflection on where they are and who they are in this moment. Um Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And it was the the comment also had to do with um whining and victim mentality. And at the end of the day, from my experience, I did not take accountability. And it led to divorce, it led to a lot of downfall for me. And I had to hit bottom before I started coming back up again. And I had to look in the mirror. And that's where that that that's where that comment came from. And that guy doesn't understand that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah. That's the biggest thing. Um, I think to one of the things that really helped me get into social work and move forward and provide that support is I think we as individuals, when we recognize there's a problem, then the ownership does become on us. The minute we know um childhood trauma, adult trauma, military trauma, anything, when we recognize that's impacting our lives and how we affect others, it becomes our responsibility to build that growth. But you're right. We as humans, we're humans. We get stuck. There's a reason why they we have the cycle. We have motivation, we have stagnation, and there's a reason for that. We do get stuck. And sometimes it takes an outside uh intrinsic force to move us along, or it becomes internal that makes that happen. But without that, we not only lose ourselves, like you said, we do lose our peers and sometimes our family. So uh it sounds like you have a very interesting story, you know, with growth and everything else like that. And, you know, giving that insight will help maybe somebody else who has or in the moment right now, losing their family or going through a struggle. If they hear yours, they can be like, wait, I can learn from that. Let me grab that resource, let me kind of like change course before I too hit rock bottom. So you doing that, putting yourself out there, that's amazing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I have no shame. I, you know, and and the way I see it, Eleni, is like this like, you know, we're we've we've gone through so much, and we can keep our experiences and our lessons learned to ourselves, or we could share it with others in hopes that somebody that's behind us in age or behind us in career or wherever can hear it and maybe zig versus zag. And that's what I want, you know, out of all this entire podcast stuff. So I that's why like people like you that are on doing this stuff, I really am appreciative of you.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I think uh one of the things I learned from childhood is that you can try and hide all mistakes or all growth or whatever, but if you own it, nobody can own you. Yeah. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has um a right to growth. And no, and not everyone has to either forgive you for those mistakes. You know, your job is to grow yourself and move forward and recognize that and own it. And uh once you do, that's it. Someone can say, Oh, you did this, and you're like, Yeah, I did, but I'm not doing that now. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. That's very true.
SPEAKER_01:Growth is important. We can't keep dragging people down.
SPEAKER_00:Right, right. And even if you don't want to grow and you want to be stagnant, like understand what they're doing. Understand that their journey and their path is going in a different direction, and you have a choice. You could either watch and you could support, but you don't have to like deny and say, well, that's not gonna work, and I want nothing to do with you, and I'm not it's just there's no, there's no point in that. Because I see people that do different things all the time, and I'm like, good for you, man. Like, go for it. Like, kill it. I understand that you're trying to grow your business, you're trying to brand yourself, you're trying to, you know, do different things, but um just want to bring it back to the family systems that you talk that you that you mentioned about. And um, you know, when you talk about family support systems, well, like what does that mean in the military context?
SPEAKER_01:So again, like some of the bases, they have family readiness officers, social workers on site. They have lots of resources as well. And but the biggest one is nonprofits. So a lot of military service members, such as yourself, they go out and they start nonprofits, they're family. There's one in particular I'd like to highlight called Zero 800. They help younger enlisted service members one year prior to getting out of the military and up to three years after, because there is a huge transition between, you know, settling in, rediscovering how to get a new home loan, or navigating jobs and writing resumes. And in this economy, even the basics as food and uh school supplies. So that is a great uh opportunity. There are several others that also promote, like um, we were talking earlier when I said the biggest barrier right now is how families communicate because of all the different just, you know, families are gone for like six months at a time. How do you reintegrate, re-spark? So they have uh even after you get out, uh, groups where it will take you out for family engagement, get you back together. They do couples retreats, things like that. So, my biggest uh suggestion is one if you're a veteran and you're connected with the VA, I'd reach out to the VA and speak to their social workers, see what resources are available for you, and also just really utilize that search engine. Look around. There are hundreds, I mean, literally hundreds of nonprofits in San Diego alone, and that will provide resources. There are several also in the LA area. They work together hand in hand. You'll see they do school drives, holiday drives. If there is a need, there is a resource. And I really just encourage you to know that you are not alone, and it's never too late to ask for help.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. A lot of it, a lot of it is just marketing, getting it out there. Yes. I've been a uh uh board member for a nonprofit for four years now, and it is such a challenge just to pass the word to others about the program. I mean, I have a podcast and I struggle. I mean, every every podcast episode, I mention the nonprofit that I'm a part of, but I don't do enough still to let everyone know about it. Um so that's the biggest challenge is getting it from like communicative-wise to the actual people that need it the most. Um there. Would you um would you agree that um military households oftentimes like experience financial, emotional, and physical abuse that would go like unreported or unnoticed?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, absolutely. And it boils down to perception, you know, and the people experiencing it are often in shame because we as military spouses, we uh strive oh gosh, we strive to be everything that uh really encapsulates what it means to be that service member spouse, you know, um, just providing all that support, having the home ready, navigating the kids, having a job, you know, just having it all and maintaining really great mental health. And you we all know we can't do that alone. And um and sometimes we're taught to um find reasons why we shouldn't share that. You know, what would they think? You'll get in trouble. A lot of people believe um erroneously that APS and CPS is out to uh really interfere with your life or take your kids or anything like that. But I I really do encourage if they if anyone sees something to say something, because a CPS, for example, just focusing on CPS, their job is to provide supports. So if they go in the home and they see maybe there's a food need or a clothing need, they provide that resource. They're not there to judge that family, they're not there to take that family's kids, they're really there to provide support. The number one goal is to always uh ensure the kids are safe and that they get those resources. Um and I would encourage anyone that is struggling to seek out therapeutic support. And if they're not comfortable going to the military or they feel abandoned by the military, that there are some, again, nonprofits, like the Jewish Family Service Centers. They have amazing uh domestic violence resources uh for military families as well. And the key here is sometimes military families will gaslight themselves and not recognize that what they're going through is verbal, emotional, or financial abuse. So, just like you were saying, how hard it is to get that information out there for just nonprofits. Imagine how hard it is to get those resources to those military, you know, members and family that are experiencing these types of abuses to so that they can recognize what they are. Um and that's another key goal. I think that the military has improved on by having family readiness officers. And another thing is, I don't know if many of your service, uh, sorry, I was gonna say service members, many of your listeners know is that a lot of uh military organizations have ombudsmen. And they're usually a married member to a service member that acts as a third-party, non-judgmental, to give you resources if you're having problems, to be that conduit between you, the married member, and to the command. So there are resources, but again, if we don't get that out there and let them know that these exist and there are safety measures in place to keep one, their autonomy and uh two, their privacy, then they won't feel comfortable, you know. Like there's a lot of uh stigma attached to being that problem family or that family down the street that you always hear screaming and yelling, but nobody does anything about. It's very important that we intervene, especially for children. The children can't um defend themselves. So if you ever see a situation, just really uh I implore you to have the courage to step in in one way or another.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I think too many people are concerned about getting it wrong. Yeah. And how do you think we can better identify early warning signs that a military family is struggling, especially like you said, with the with the children and the and the spouses.
SPEAKER_01:So one thing that, again, I have to give the military credit for is that they're doing climate surveys. On the flip side of that, sometimes people don't want to be honest on those climate surveys because, you know, they don't feel it's very uh they say that they're um what do you say, they're private, they're confidential, and that uh no one, no one's name goes on it or anything like that. But there's a lot of, you know, recognizing that sometimes your privacy isn't really covered. Uh but those climate surveys exist so they can recognize uh how much need is in that particular unit or where they can provide that. USOs, they're phenomenal resources. They do food drives, they do clothing drives, they have uh backpacks for kids when you go back to school. Um I think the biggest way to really answer this question is to just somehow flood that information out there. Like uh through the kids' clubs, through the military kids clubs at the school, have a flyer, you know, post it on the command website, you know, really highlight access to care. That's the best way. That's the best way to get that out there is just talking and talking and talking and just talking.
SPEAKER_00:I was gonna say, like just witnessing the people and telling them about it and having the conversation sometimes will plant the seed. Um, they may not do it today or tomorrow overnight, um, or this week even, but getting them thinking about it and getting them to a point to where they get the courage to get the help that they need um is really helpful. And that that really hits home for me, because like I said, growing up as a military brat, there was a lot of things behind closed doors. Um, I struggled in school. I mean, I'm about to talk about something else that you were uh, which is a special education teacher. I was in special ed for nine, nine grades, um, mainly because my home life was just so unstable and um it was hard for me to sh to focus at school because I just didn't know what I was coming home to. So uh talking to you, I'm I'm very much relating to the things that you're talking about with the family part and um the special ed uh I guess uh resume part of you. What did that uh teach you about advocacy, patience, and family dynamics that now that you're now bringing into your social work career?
SPEAKER_01:So when I was teaching, I hadn't had children yet. And the one thing I will say, I did self-contained the the label was emotionally disturbed. But what I really learned probably I kind of see it when you're sharing too, is that my kids didn't have learning disabilities. The reason why they were labeled emotionally disturbed is because they exhibited anger. And in children, fear, anger. Sadness turns into anger. You know, it's a default emotion. They don't know how to navigate, they don't have what they call a toolbox of emotional intelligence. They they learn from what they see. And if they don't have someone helping them be emotionally intelligent, you know, having that ability to say, I feel this way because, and when they witness someone when they're angry or when they're upset and they only know zero to a hundred, they're gonna express themselves the only way they know how. And so that was a real eye-opener for me is like navigating, I'm educating these amazing children, and their biggest barrier is their uh ability to um control their emotions because no one's shown them how and to really be accepting because it's easy. Let me tell you, I see this all the time. You see a kid, he's acting like a brat, and someone says, Oh, that's the parent's fault, or oh, that's no, that's not the case. That's not the case. They're judging this kid, he's a child and they're just condemning him and putting him down for his behavior without understanding that that's a default response. If we as adults, when we're driving, become angry at some random person because of perceived uh misunderstanding, and we expect children to act like adults, that is that's a grave injustice. So that's one thing I really learned as a special education teacher that just because you see someone presenting a certain way, it doesn't mean that that's how they're defined. So it really gave me insight to understand deeper. And those kids, they made me a better person. They I miss it. I miss teaching, I miss engaging with them. And I would have to say that's the biggest thing I learned is that empathy is not a weakness. It's a strength, it's a strength.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_01:And we should hold on to that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Yeah. I always wondered if I always wondered what my special ed teachers thought about me because I was so lazy that I wouldn't even I would take my work and I would just throw it away in the trash and I wouldn't do it. Or I would just scribble on it and just do whatever, because I didn't want to do any of it. And I always wondered if they ever thought for a second. I wonder if they if they ever thought that is this kid just dumb? Is this kid just not smart? Or is this kid have issues at home that we don't know about? They never asked me about that. It was never about what happened from 3 p.m. to 7 a.m. the next morning. It was never about But again, this was in the eighties and nineties. So much different time uh time frame, different mentality of everything. But I always wondered um because it took me years to to understand, it got to a point where I tested out of special ed in ninth grade because of embarrassment. I got tired of going to the special classroom and the you know, everyone's labeled, right? And I got tired of getting made fun of, and and so I I tested out of it and my life started um bouncing out. But um I don't know if uh special ed today is the same as it was back in the 80s or how different it is now versus then, now versus you know, the way it was back then. But I just think it's fascinating that you have that perspective and you can take that into your social work side of things. Um and what what made you step into social work? Was there a particular a particular moment or a case that shifted your your path?
SPEAKER_01:It was I missed teaching. I miss teaching. And in California, um the education path here is very different, like the ability to get into, back into education, getting recertified. And I just realized I could reach more people and do greater things outside of the education scope for military families as a social worker. So teachers, they're the foundations, they're the rocks. If I could do anything, I would go to Congress and be like, we need to promote teachers, they need raises, we need to, you know, really support our system because they're the first line of defense when it comes to our children. Just like you said, I wonder, you know, is the teacher recognizing this? Is the teacher recognizing that? So having been in school in the 80s as well, you know, the education system has shifted a lot. And um, you know, I can't speak for your past uh special education teachers, but just for myself, I know that a lot of special education teachers don't go into special education without having an empathetic uh access, like wanting to really reach someone where they're at, when they're ready for that to be reached at. And we see things differently when we're kids versus adults, right? Are we are, you know, hear her do that where you look back into a point in your life and you're like, you finally are able to see other people's motivators too. So you're like, oh my gosh, now I get why my mom or dad or cousin or friend acted that way. I get it now. I had the life experience to see that situation from a different perspective. Right. Um, so I'm really motivated to be like, I think to be honest, I became a social worker a little bit selfishly because I didn't want uh some people to have to experience what I experienced without guidance. You know, having been that young service member, female in the military, I want to ensure other females that are in the military know certain things or be prepared for certain things or have access to certain resources. And then as a spouse, to make sure that my service member spouses have access and to resources and that their children also have access to resources. Um, like you were saying, being in school and being in special education, making sure that our spouses' kids have access to tutors, to have access to funding for after school activities, to learn that there are even programs during the summer. Operation Purple does a one-week free summer camp. Um, and also there are many others that do uh services for summer camps for free for military and veteran children. And I think if we don't get out there and share that, who's gonna do it? So I was like, you know what? I've been through a lot on both sides, and I just thought, you know what, let me do that. If I can the military is gonna send me back to school for my master's in social work, perfect. Give me this umbrella and I'm gonna use it for the military, you know? Just put it forward.
SPEAKER_00:I think it's awesome. And by the way, before I move on, I want to say you're a fantastic speaker. Oh you're a fantastic speaker. I'm nervous.
SPEAKER_01:I'm so nervous.
SPEAKER_00:No, you're not at all.
SPEAKER_01:We didn't talk about what we're gonna talk about today. We can't just tell, we were just like, I was like, You're great.
SPEAKER_00:You're great at what you're doing. If anyone out there is listening and and they know someone that's going into the military, whether they're a military spouse or they're the actual veteran, because you've seen both sides of it. Yeah. What advice would you give them pre-joining or maybe joining now, uh, for them to set themselves up for success professionally and personally?
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so for like say a young person just getting out of high school, going into the military, I would tell them to go beyond their recruiter. Like, really find someone who's in the military, talk to them, like, what exactly is that job? It's one thing on paper, one thing in reality. So, and also ask yourself like, is this something that I'm gonna want to be doing five years, 10 years? And even if not, if it's something you just want to experience and try it now, go for it. You can always um have the opportunity to reclass, like change your job later on. But the the key is to go in with your eyes wide open. Um, the second part is if you've already been in the military and you got out and you realized maybe civilian life isn't for me. I want to go back in. Realize that there are other opportunities, just like you had mentioned earlier from that one service member that learned about the uh opportunity to go from enlisted to officer. There are other opportunities like that. The guard is very good at uh taking in students and commissioning them early and getting the groundwork in and then training them so they can be effective leaders later on. So I would promote that. I would promote also spouses to take advantage of the spousal education programs that are there. There is uh one university, I think it's called uh Coastline Community College that offers very discounted courses for young enlisted like E1 to E4. Uh, I would say take advantage of that. If you're in the military now and you're in E1, E2, E3, start your education now. It won't wait for you. Yeah, explore your life, take diving, cliff dive, jump out of airplanes, do whatever you want to do, but take a class here, there. Start building your educational foundation because you will get out of the military at some point and you will have to figure out that next step. And even if it's not in the degree field you got, at least you have that foundation in which to build from. So the biggest thing I would promote is save your money and get that education. The military offers that. That's the one thing you should not miss out on. Get educated.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I always tell people the military is not bad. And military gets a bad rap a lot of times. First of all, people go into the military with their pre-existing issues and they think that the military is going to fix it for them, and it doesn't. It just magnifies it because they give you a paycheck, they take you far away from your family, put you in a strange land with strange people, and the problems that you had at home are now following you. Um, and then secondly, the other the other part to that is that a lot of folks go in and they get out, and then they're upset that they can't find a job. Well, while you were in, did you ever go to the education center? Like, I understand you want to party and you want to go out. That's what Friday nights are for. Spend your Saturdays at the education center, work hard, play hard, manage your military career in a sense of like don't just rely on your MOS, but utilize the other resources. Like, I'm a part of ActNow Education, and we go out, raise money, and then we turn around and we purchase credits, certifications, um, and we give those to our military community, active duty, veterans, military spouses. And it just always surprises me how uninformed people are that once you get back into the civilian world, a lot of places won't care what MOS you had. They'll wave the flag and go, yeah, we we love military veterans here, but then they'll go then they'll say, then they'll say, All right, let's get into the meat potatoes of what you have on your resume. And then they look at it like, we don't know what any of this stuff means.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I will say um that's what we do when we're young. We're dumb. We party, we go out. I mean, I think who I don't know who said this, but they said youth is wasted on the young. It really is. And that's okay. That's I I want to give this one thing about joining the military young, it's a safe space to grow up in, right? You know when to wake up, you know when to go to work, you know when to go to bed, you know where to get food, you know, you get a paycheck. You know, that's one thing the military provides is that consistency. So, like you were saying, a lot of people come in with their problems from their childhood, and then it does get masked because it gets covered by work and friends and life.
SPEAKER_00:Structure, structure.
SPEAKER_01:And then you're right, and then they're getting ready, they're ready to get out. They want to go in the real world, but guess what? That structure, that someone telling them time to get up, time to go to work, time to go to the gym, time to go home. Here's your money, every paycheck. Oh, here's medical, here's dental, you know. So that's one thing the military is great for, you know. Do you do you remember those old commercials when you were overseas? Is it what was it called? What was it called? Nazi SPAN. What was that? Uh the Armed Forces Network, AFARS.
SPEAKER_00:The satellite one.
SPEAKER_01:You know, those commercials. There would be one commercial was brushing, encouraging people to brush their teeth, you know, and one commercial was there was a dad throwing a baseball to his son. Hey, don't forget, you know, family, you know, because military members, that's that's the one of the dangers. You know, we get caught up in our work, caught up in our work, caught up in our work. We're there more than half our our day. And so these commercials were like, hey, buddy, you got a family, play ball with your kid, or hey, you know, it's your turn to leave work. You got to take your kid to the dentist, it's your job. Um, so that's one thing that the military is great for is like creating a structure, but it doesn't teach them to create that structure for themselves outside of the military. And that is where, you know, when you're going through your transition program, like, okay, six months till you get out. Here's some paper. They're just throwing papers at you, you know? Uh, and what they really need is another adult telling another adult, okay, here's a budget. I want you to create a pretend budget. You're out. How much is your rent? How much is your mortgage? How much is your car insurance? How much is medical? How much is dental? How long till you get? Just hearing that, you're like, somebody probably tuned us off right now, just walked away. I'm like, I know we got time for that mess. But that's the reality. That is also that white noise is what the military spouse deals with all the time. All the time. Kids going to school, kids going to the dentist, kids getting this, kids getting that. Oh, did we get groceries? Did we pay this? Did we grit that? Oh, we ran out of this. And now the service members got to hear that too. And they're like, it's overwhelming. That's why we have so many adjustment disorders, or you know, it's it's uh it's a failure to launch, essentially. You know, we haven't when I say we, I mean the military's done a great disservice in teaching or uh forcing, I guess, education in budget management. We need to teach. Um, if we're gonna take the responsibility of having them, you know, and saying, hey, we own you now, then we have a responsibility to educate them on how to survive without us. You know, that's one thing the military's really kind of dropped the ball on. Right. You know, doing a one-weekend class or a two-week class before we kick them out of the military is not supporting them, you know, it's like, here's some paperwork. Yeah, you know, that's where that's where I think that's where a lot of our military people get in trouble. And that's where a lot of families start hitting walls because that's a lot of noise. That's a lot of noise to deal with. And without gaining the skill set to do it, we're not uh it's like pulling the tablecloth out, right?
SPEAKER_00:Underneath you're like, whoa, you know, everything just kind of falls apart. Totally makes sense. Elaine, I don't want to speak for you, but I assume this is the beginning of building your social media presence, I would hope. Um would are would you agree with that or no?
SPEAKER_01:Before speaking with you, I honestly hadn't considered it. I had just been really happy in my life, just going out, talking to MS people, and you've given me a lot of focus. And I think, yes, I I'm ready to do that. I want to be loud and out there and just give them what I can and learn from others that are doing it as well, and just really gaining some insight. So I want to say thank you again. This has been a really good experience uh and an opportunity to tell people that you can be a thousand different things. There isn't, and you're never too old to shift gears. You know, you join at 18, you join at 32, you do one job. That's great. You know, you can go be, you can be in the military, you can be an admin person, you can do military police, you can work in protocol, and then you can turn around, be enlisted, you know, get be a civilian and be a teacher, and then go back in and get a social work degree, and then go back in and be an officer. You can do anything. And the only true barrier to that would be yourself and finding those resources to support you and making that happen. So, yes.
SPEAKER_00:You have an you have an amazing arc, and it deserves to be shared for sure because you started out enlisted in the Navy, then got married, had kids, got out, then decided to go back in. You went in as an officer in the National Guard.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um, oh, didn't mention special ed teacher. You're a special education teacher. Uh, then you got your LCSW, went into social work uh in the National Guard and full-time. So it's like you do all these different things. You have all these different categories that you fit uh and you can speak on. So at the end of the day, I I really see a lot of value in uh in the experience that that you should share with others. Um throughout your career, life, or experiences or whatever, what what's one success story, big or small, that reminds you that your work truly matters?
SPEAKER_01:It's always the ones you least expect to have impacted. We have to be really mindful uh that words are powerful. And um sometimes when we speak, we could be very um indifferent or callous or short or rude. And I think uh I I've been guilty of that where I've been tired and someone said something, and I'm just really dismissive. And I think that it one of those moments where I was dismissive, I turned around and saw the person's face just drop. And that was kind of gut-wrenching for me because that's not who I want to be. And so I think those are powerful moments is to recognize to one, forgive ourselves when we're that person, that we get tired and we get short and we can sometimes drop the ball. But also uh when we recognize that, pick the ball back up and hand it to them. I think that for me is it. And I think the other biggest thing is I I really want to highlight being a mom. I think the biggest motivator for me is that telling my kids that by through example, like you, you're not not just saying you're not limited, but showing them like you're not limited, like this is it. Like you want to try that? Let's do it. You know, never say, not the never say never, but never say no until you've tried it. You know, go through it and know. I think the hardest thing to recognize is that things don't come easy. It's gonna be hard. It's gonna be hard. It's gonna be hard until it's easy. And I think a lot of people uh that I meet now, they're like, oh, I tried it, it didn't work. Oh, I did that. They didn't respond, or oh, I don't know why it's not working. Well, you did it once, you did it twice. You gotta go, like you said earlier, you gotta go through the suck. You just gotta go through the suck. You can't jump over hurdles, you can't slide underneath them, you gotta go through them, or else you don't experience the truth. And so anyone I meet, they're like, oh, this or that. I'm like, did you go through it? They're like, no, I tried it. No, you gotta go through the suck, through it. It's gonna be ugly, it's gonna be nasty, it's gonna be dirty, but only then when you get on the other side, you'll have that pride. You did it, you survived it, you gained it. Nothing comes overnight. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I think that's huge. You you and Gina should get together and start start doing some uh some social media stuff or start combining some of your ideas and your creativity. I think that'd be really cool.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, thank you. I'd love to work with her, that'd be great. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um so I just wanted to round this out and uh mention too that you are on LinkedIn. Yes. So if people want to connect with you, they can connect with you there on LinkedIn. And I'll, you know, obviously your name will be on this podcast. Uh in the future, I hope to see you more involved and evolved as far as putting your messages out there. Um what's one message that you wish every military spouse, partner, uh, or parent could hear directly from you today?
SPEAKER_01:That's a heavy, just one, huh? Um There's so many, but there is so many. And it's gonna sound oh, you you hear it all the time. You hear it all the time. You're not alone. You're not alone. And you're in and you gotta fight through that embarrassment. If you're embarrassed, you're experiencing anything, or you feel any kind of shame, don't uh reach out, touch base, um, and don't stop until you get the support you need or you find the tribe that supports you so you can excel. There are some great I've met and been supported by some amazing um women and men who are spouses to military members. And without them, I wouldn't have uh survived some school years. You know, they reach out. That's the greatest thing I could tell anyone. Um, do that. Because the when you reach out, even the smallest hand can carry the greatest weight off of someone's shoulder. So please, please, that's yeah, that's it. Reach out.
SPEAKER_00:I think the one thing that you'll find in your journey with uh growing online is you're gonna find a tribe, and sometimes that's That tribe uh lives hundreds of miles away from you. Some of the best people that I know uh live on the other side of the map, on the other side of the United States. Um, but they're some of my biggest supporters. So, Elaine, I hope that uh I hope that you continue this trend. I hope that you continue putting yourself out there and being courageous. Um, it's been an absolute honor talking to you, and thank you for giving me your time today.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you as well.
SPEAKER_00:For everyone else out there, uh, Formation Nation, remember survivability starts with awareness, and sometimes the strongest warriors are the ones holding the home front together. Thank you so much for tuning in today. Until next time, I want you to stay tuned, stay focused, and stay motivated. Warriors, fall out.